poems for mind's eye

she

she wasn’t a dancer but when she danced

she danced for the stars

and the stars watched

and loved the girl

they gave her a gift that glowed

she radiated wherever she walked

when she listened

the tree’s spoke

and when she spoke

the water listened

and the trees

and the water

loved the girl

and she grew with them

they taught her how to love

and how to know

the earth felt her step

her footsteps echoing through the soul

the wind felt the way she moved

shifting through her hair

pushing the small of her back

the tips of her ears

rustling her dress

the rain tasted her lips

she drank life

as the tiny drops pricked her skin

Constellations

do you remember?

because sometimes I am sure you’ve forgotten

the way we would steel kisses in empty classrooms

how you would hold me

and tell me I tried too hard

that I was already strong

and beautiful

and good

quieting my deepest fears that

you instinctively seemed to know

do you remember?

because I hear whispers you forgot

how you would feel

Black. Wrong. Guilty. Afraid.

you would tell me

whispering fear

of past present future

and how I would

Listen. Comfort. Support. Empathize.

whispering hope

and love

do you remember?

because you seem to have forgotten

how you would touch my arm

and hold my hand

when you knew I was uncomfortable

or afraid

and whisper in my ear that I needed to

relax and just breathe

and not be afraid

because you were there?

do you remember?

because I think you have forgotten

that I knew all about you

the dustier corners of your mind

how I could tell immediately if you were

feeing like the world was black

waiting to shallow you whole

and how I would come and press my lips

against yours and close your eyes

with gentle fingers

whispering that I was always there

and that you were better than you

ever knew

do you remember?

because you’ve forgotten

how we made each other crazy

discovering each other’s weakness

the way my body felt pressed against yours

my arms around your neck

enjoying being held by

strong arms

protecting me

even from myself

do you remember?

because I do.

Winter was wonderful

Winter Formal Day (Night?) Activity

Tswift vs. Gotye

So you know how people talk about how Taylor Swift stalks them and writes about their love life? Anyone? Bueller? Well I have heard people say that. But Taylor Swift doesn't stalk my love life.
Gotye does. Somebody I Used to Know describes my non-existent-past-relationship current status perfectly.

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

My Essays: Post Hacking

BYU Application? COMPLETE

What is one of the most difficult things you have ever done or experienced? What made it difficult and what did you learn? (250 words maximum)

“Good comments; pays attention in class, hardworking- Overall grade: D”. It was hard for me to not roll my eyes at Mr. Rushing’s comments on my report card. Why couldn’t some of those compliments be reflected in my grade? It was my junior year and my Trigonometry class had become the bane of my existence.  After school tutoring, talks with my teacher, reworking homework and still my grade was stagnant.  This bad grade wasn’t just affecting my GPA, it was affecting me. I felt dumb; like that D was tattooed on my forehead, defining who I was. When I decided to cut my losses and drop the class, I felt like the word ‘quitter’ was added as well. I muddled through, working hard in other classes- harder, in fact, than before. The accomplishments in those classes lightened the ‘D’ and ‘quitter’ on my forehead but still they were still there, etched on my thinking. I got a job- a smelly job cooking fries- but one I could call my own, and there people praised me for being such a hard worker. Then my brain, which had been addled by the tattoos obviously hindering my thinking, finally connected. I learned how to work hard, to overcome failure, to buckle down and do the best I could and even if you fail it is how you have personally grown that matters. My forehead is now clear of all blemishes and I have hardworking, independent and diligent written on my heart.

(248 words)

Many students apply to more than one church school. What will determine which you attend? Please be specific. (250 words maximum)

I grew up in a BYU family. I have seen how attendance has blessed their lives. As I have got older, I have come to see how BYU fits me. I want to cultivate my desires to never stop learning, to create things, to become the person my Heavenly Father intended me to be. I want to have a well-rounded education and the core graduation requirements provide that.  I am particularly excited for the Global and Cultural Awareness and Social Science classes.  These are topics that have always interested me but had not yet had time to explore. I want to get an English major and the program at BYU offers a variety of classes that fit what I am interested in. I enjoy learning about how Literature has influenced history and how history has influenced literature. BYU has multiple British and American Literary History classes. I want to learn more about the ‘how’ of rhetoric and literature. BYU offers Visual Rhetoric, History of Rhetoric, and Studies in Rhetoric. In high school I wanted to go deeper into what we were studying. These included the particular literary eras and the differences/ similarities between each, the specific authors and the connections literature had to other forms of art. Most of all I like connecting what I read to my own life and letting literature change me and give me perspective. These connection topics are what most interest me and are exactly what BYU’s English program has to offer.

Tell us anything else you want us to know about yourself that you haven't had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application. Include any special circumstances, experiences, etc. that could influence your admission to the university. (250 words maximum)

When I was little I got in trouble for staying up reading and I read constantly. I would look up the Newberry Honors books and I read them all. My Christmas lists always consisted of books. Then my mom realized this only pacified my hunger for new things to read for about two weeks. She got me a library card. Early in high school I read Jane Eyre. The dramatic plot line intrigued me and I could relate to Jane. I wanted to have the qualities she possessed so I read it again and again, wanting those characteristics to be a part of me. Jane Eyre became my favorite book. I continued to read higher level books and I grew increasingly fond of the language and metaphors which I originally thought were difficult, but in reality were the best part. When I was a Junior I read Anna Karenina and I couldn’t put it down.  Tolstoy’s psychological exploration of the characters fascinated me. My attitude toward classic literature evolved to where it was all I wanted to read. I had considered majoring in English in college but when I finished Anna Karenina the idea solidified. My scores, both on the AP Language test (4) and on the reading portion of the ACT (34) were delightful confirmations of my decision to pursue this. BYU is the place where I can be with other students that are like me, excited and passionate, a place where I can be pushed to grow.

(250 words)

Monday

Ok. Mondays are supposed to be horrible- Garfield taught us that right? Well Mondays have always been not too difficult for me. I am still riding off my rest and spiritual rejuvenation from Sunday. Thursdays though. Ouch. Anyway. Today has been a beautiful Monday.

Cultivate Solitude

We have such a fear of being alone
Take that fear and cultivate it
Make it work for you